It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
