we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
