While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Come on in and take your pants off
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
