Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
