The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
