Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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