I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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