hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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