Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
false alarm. still invincible.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
