just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
