he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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