good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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