My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
