i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
