how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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