You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
