I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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