I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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