dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
