He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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