I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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