Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
