K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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