I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
