It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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