everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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