god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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