It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
