I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
