either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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