he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
