I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
