This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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