Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
