I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
