Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
