TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
