so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I need to stop coming to work sober
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
