i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
