Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You can't just leave with hair like that
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
