I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
