I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
