I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
