This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
