Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
