So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
