so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
