I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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