member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize