I'm lost and stupid without you.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
