Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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