you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
