i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
