You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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