You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
