I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
