So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
