Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
