so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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