y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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