omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
