i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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